One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
