im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
