I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
