My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
