How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
