I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My pussy is not your playground.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
