I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
