i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
