apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
