we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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