Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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