Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
