I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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