my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Its about making memories worth repressing
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
