The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
