There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
