when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
