why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
