Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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