my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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