Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
