Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
A+ Viking dick
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
