What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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