Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
