I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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