So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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