you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
