He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
