I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
