Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
