I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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