I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
