Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
