Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize