eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
