Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
