I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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