On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's the barista slut.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
