Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
