hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
