I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
