he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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