I think I died a long time ago.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
