I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
