just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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