so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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