I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
