I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
