Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
