When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
