He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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