I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize