Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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