don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
