Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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