I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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