Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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