She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
