4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
