So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
