I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
