Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
