I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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