Umm I'm too high to move.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
