Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
