Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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