On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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