i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize