i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
