my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
