i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My balls are so social today.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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