Pants 0. Shit 1.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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